各位达人帮忙看一下我写的去新西兰的解释信，有没有语法错误，或说的不合适的地方，请多给建议！
我是一名高中生，打算十一和妈妈一起去新西兰旅游，这是我站到我妈妈的角度上写的解释信，本人英语水平一般，请各位英语能手帮忙指点一下，谢谢！July 20th, 2016
Visa Officer of New Zealand: Dear sir or madam: Thank you for taking your time to read my letter. My name is XX (Passport No.: ), from XX Co., Ltd. My son XX (Passport No.: ) and I plan to travel to your country from X, to X, 2016.
The reason why we choose to go to New Zealand is mainly because of my son, he is the pride of our family, and he is particularly clever and sensible, and during the period of school performance is excellent, so that he got a good result in the last term. Therefore, taking him to go to New Zealand is as a reward to him. Because my son is a loyal fan of the Lord of the Rings, and he really wants to go to Glenorchy of New Zealand where The Lord of the Rings was filmed to experience the magic atmosphere of the Middle-earth World.
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爆款
银行打印的近六个月工资卡上流水用于签证的基本逻辑（学生需提供经济依附人的经济支持能力证明并提供关系证明材料）：
工资卡上的余额用于支持你逗留期间的消费，故与你申请逗留的时间有关。工资卡的每月的进出用于证明贵公司在职证明里面的职位和年薪。故需要与其相配套。工资如果发现金且没有个人收入税单的，通常领馆默认是低收入或是无收入的。收入起伏过大且没有税单证明的有作假嫌疑！
2、只要你意思表达到了就行了，不要过度纠结语法用词那些，容易弄巧成拙。
3、一定要简练
4、我们在新西兰，北京签证中心给我们打电话的（我太太是移民留学持牌顾问）签证官都是讲中文的
段1:出行原因是1）孩子考试成绩优秀的奖励；2）家庭热爱自然风光户外运动。
段2:excel行程单
段3:表示感谢及回国决心
另，把explaination这个信头删了。有家庭旅行照片信底有空间倒是可以贴个几张。